So there I was. On a strange whim I’d flown to Las Vegas, and while I didn’t know exactly why, I knew exactly which casino I needed to head towards. I approached the front desk and they greeted me by name, as if I were an old patron.
“Hello, Mr. Fisher. Unfortunately your room isn’t quite ready. We will gladly take your bags and inform you when everything is prepared. We apologize for the inconvenience, and would like to offer you this small gift as a consideration.” The concierge took my bag and handed me a pile of brown poker chips with the casino’s logo on them. I headed towards the tables to play a bit and sort through all of this weirdness.
Strange as it seems though, some things never leave you. I didn’t see a gun or anything, but the way this guy walked past me seemed wrong, like some itching feeling in my spine that I just couldn’t reach. I head towards a security guy to get his take when the sharp report of gunfire brought me into action. My mind raced as I counted half a dozen men, armed with automatic weapons and wearing masks, stood in the center of the floor, with countless innocent bystanders nearby.
I couldn’t allow that to stand, and I grabbed the first thing that came to hand. In this case it seemed to be a large disk. I was halfway through throwing it when I realized I had just hurled a roulette wheel without even straining. I began sprinting forward towards the circle, doing anything I could to distract them. Out of the crowd emerged three others. One unleashed a strange bolt of energy from a sword, slicing a table in half to clear a path to the fight. Another leaped atop a slot machine, bow (yes, an actual freaking bow) in hand, and his lance like arrows ripped through two of the gunmen, dropping them before I’d made three steps. A third man, near the change machines, hurled a handful of quarters. I admired his courage, if not his wisdom, until I witnessed the quarters bury into flesh and metal, driving many of their weapons to the ground.
The battle was over almost as quickly as it was joined. One escaped, (the one I hit with the roulette wheel, as luck would have it), but otherwise we emerged unharmed, with no injured bystander, though one blackjack table had met it’s demise, and a roulette table needed recalibrating. We stood there, admiring our handiwork, when the cops came in. I was thinking we were boned, when the guy with the energy sword thing tells the cops, “Hey, these things happen.” The cop shrugged his shoulders in agreement, and then left us the hell alone. I could barely contain my amazement. Out of nowhere the joker from the front desk pulls us all to one side and brings us to the vault. He started yammering on about something being stolen, and it was apparently really important, though I couldn’t for the life of me make out what he was talking about.
So we head out, with a few tokens for later use, and the guy with the bow walks us down a path leading out of the city proper to the outskirts, and points out, “There. The apartment four windows up, third from the left.” He says it like you’d tell someone “Hey, lovely weather we’re having.” Like it’s not a big deal that he just walked to a random stranger’s house. So they head on up, and I hang back to make our entrance a bit of interesting. I heft the roulette wheel, (I told you, a token for later use!) and hurl it through his window. I head up and catch up with the crew, and they’ve got this guy confessing to everything ever. So he coughs up a name and address, and we’re off again, after I torment the guy a bit mentally, then leave him outside the sheriff’s station with a signed confession pinned to his chest.
This next joker was apparently a lawyer, and we head right in. He doesn’t leave much to entertainment to be had, because as soon as we sit down practically, he’s handing us a list of names, telling us that if they’d done right, we wouldn’t be here, so he didn’t care about selling out his associates.
First name on the list sends us back to the original casino, but we head right up to a room. After a bit of back and forth, we get into this giant Irishman’s room, where he’s apparently hosting the orgy convention. He clears out all of the succulent bits before putting on pants and talking to us. He tells us that we are on the trail of some stone or another, and gives old sword guy some coin that is supposed to grant wishes, and some vague directions out into the desert. We all bail on the Paddy, and head out for a road trip to the sands.
We get there near dusk, because of course we get there near dusk, and there are these three guys that apparently went to Cartoon Villainy School. The leader looked like some evil wizard from a bad ’80s movie, and his sidekicks were comically large guy with brass knuckles, and horribly skinny Matrix guy. Well, it would have been funnier, but then a bunch of skeletal hands started raising out of the ground. Sword guy punches the gas, and I leaned out of the window, surprised to find that one of the weird trinkets I had was suddenly transformed into a 6 foot long spear. I aimed it towards the evil wizard guy, and the impact knocked him to the ground and ripped me from the car. The car came to a stop, and we were squared off against these crazies, and surrounded by untold numbers of skeletons.
I immediately stab towards the big guy, even though I was well out of range of this spear. A wave of force ripped from it, much to my surprise, and impacted his chest. He ran forward, and his formerly funny brass knuckles wrecked against my jaw, knocking the spear from my hand. His wizard buddy ran forward to carve his initials into my kidney, and I felt it contact me, but it was if my skin had taken on a metal sheen, and his blade was turned away. Much to my surprise, the other trinkets had manifested as a shield and sword, so I tried to make use of them. As quickly as it had begun, though, my new allies (man, I should learn their names) had made quick work of these punks. Arrow wounds, knife wounds, and bullet wounds abounded, and one guy was freaking FLYING. The guy flies down, pulls out the coin and makes a wish, and the weird stone thing that raised all of the dead bodies crumbles, along with aforementioned dead bodies.
And that, my friends, is how I spent my first day of being the son of a God….