The Apocalypse Option

Black Forest Surprise

Kevin's Perspective

So there I was in a Nevada Desert, with three dead bodies and three new friends. I had learned that I wasn’t crazy, or at least if I were, I was in good company. I was a child of Hermes, the Greek messenger god. These three were also sons of gods, though not all part of the same cliques. The guy with the bow was like my cousin or something, since he was also from the Greek god clique. The guy that was flying was some Viking or something. The guy that threw all of the quarters, and apparently was a major knife aficionado, was like Mayan or Aztec or something. One of those guys who loved cutting out hearts back in the day.

So we picked ourselves up, got rid of the bodies, and headed to the horizon. We rested up for a few weeks and listened to rumors. Out of nowhere we get delivered a telegram. The freaking Mailman, again, sending us off to Germany. I’d never been to Germany. I asked if anyone spoke German, and the Viking starts speaking in German. Out of nowhere, I was suddenly fluent in it, despite never having even studied it before. There’s apparently more to this God-Spawn thing than I’ve already discovered. So a few hours later, we were at an airport, where apparently our plane tickets were already reserved.

We rent a car and head out to the Black Forest in Germany, because the Mailman is an asshole and told us to do it. We are deep in the forest when we come upon a delivery truck being attacked by several weird ugly creatures. We leap into action, for reasons I’m still not quite sure of, and decide to side with the guys carrying automatic weapons and fight off the weird creatures. I crash through the middle of them while the others take better position, and I mysteriously find my spear and shield in hand again. My rambunctiousness proves my undoing, as the shower of bullets and arrows into the goblin things only results in showering me with gore. Soon two lay dead, and the rest sprint away through the treetops.

The security guys with the truck thank us, and luckily offer us a ride, since we had mysteriously ran out of gas at that exact spot. We get into this village, where apparently they hadn’t heard of the world outside the forest in about 150 years. I head to check out some local records while the other guys ask around, so we can find out what’s going on. A bit of research in the part of the library that I had to sneak into turned up something interesting. Seems there was some sort of goblin festival, where the townsfolk would make offerings to some Goblin King, in return for protection. Then some new folks came into town and kind of shit on the whole thing, then twisted and perverted it. Also, seems these folks were werewolves, because of course they’re freaking werewolves. And also, because the Mailman is a complete and utter tool, we’ve arrived on the same day as this festival. Not a day or two ahead of time so we could properly prepare. No, the Mailman gives us one freaking afternoon to sort this out.

I meet up with the rest of the team, and they’ve gotten some details too through asking around. Some Kraut guy from the security company offers us a tour of his joint, but we ever so politely tell him to go chew on a shoe or something. So we head out to find this Goblin King, to get his side on things. The consummate hunter does his thing, and an hour later, we’re at some sort of mound. We wait a few minutes and out comes these three goblins, who do some dance, mumble some jumbo, and pop into the mound and disappear. Viking guy repeats the dance and the mumbling and away we go into the mound. We appeared in some sort of hedge maze. Some weird glowing things came out, and appeared to be tiny naked women. They said something about needing three things, and apparently a handful of change, a song, and some hair from my head make them happy, because they began a strange rhyme.

Well, it SHOULD have been strange. I heard it, and the words were cryptic and full of metaphor, but somewhere in my brain things got sorted, and they might as well have been giving me GPS directions. We then sprinted through this strange maze to arrive at some demented version of a palace. We go in to see the Goblin King, and he turns out to be a complete punk. He let the dogs run the show, while bemoaning his helplessness. I called him out on it, and he started frothing with rage, and cooler heads decided we should take off. We get back to where we came through first and the way is blocked, with a single torch to denote anything. I felt compelled, and with some strange focus, I touched the torch, and we were back in the forest.

We get back to town just as they’re gearing up for their child murder festival. They call out 7 names, and these poor kids get pulled out to the center of town. Then they ask for volunteers to take their places. The hunter, the circus knife act, and I all step forward, and the viking decides to take the high road or something. I dunno. He takes our trinkets with a wink and fades into the back of the crowd, and we load onto a truck. We head out into the woods good and deep. After a bit, we are all lined up and given some speech about some crap, and given a head start. Kids are scooped up and we set off. The flying viking drops from the sky and we’ve got our toys back, and the hunter says something about the moon, and all of my weapons take on a strange silvery glow. Soon our head start is used up, so we take to the road.

We’re at a decent jog when the first wave hits us. Two slobbering death beasts come up in front of us, and one from behind. I charge the front, and the world stops. I hammer the first with my shield, and he is sent sailing into an ancient pine, the impact making a sick thud. In the same breath, I drive my spear forward, impaling his compatriot. My friends make quick work of them after that, without even putting the kids down.

We cut through wave after wave of dogs, in much the same manner, with the Viking flying overhead calling out information. We finally arrive at the village, and the dogs hard on our heals instantly turn into humans again, acting as if we’d all been in a relay race. We head to the town square and there is the annoying Kraut with his boss. They yammer and monologue for what seems an eternity, before they decide to get down to business. The fight is quick, but brutal, and I MIGHT have thrown a werewolf through the town’s water fountain, but in the end the goblins and villagers rallied out against the remaining security/werewolves as we took out the big guys, the villagers negotiated with the Goblin King for a better deal, and I got a werewolf skull as a cool trophy.

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